Max And Iggy In A Closet
by GenocideOfColors
Summary: What could possibly go wrong when Max and Iggy "accidentally" get locked in a closet together? Slightest, teeniest bit of FAX if you squint really, really, REALLY hard. Rated T for boyish attitude and extreme use of the word, "Valium."


**So, I was sitting in my room, being extremely bored, when I got this amazing idea. What if Max and Iggy got locked in a closet together? It's not like that though. Like I said in my summery, there's even a bit of Fax. It's more like getting locked in a closet with your über annoying brother. So, read it, enjoy it, review it.**

**Here it comes, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's a...DISCLAIMER!!: I don't own MR, Froot Loops, comedy central, Jeff Dunham, what would you rather, valium, logic, common sense, afros, or The Breakfast Club. Other people, with various names, own those. -cowers- Don't sue me!

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"I can not believe you got us locked in a closet Iggy!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to drop the key!"

"Yeah, you just _accidentally_ pushed me into the closet and locked us in."

"Well, I didn't exactly _push_ you..."

"Iggy, let me introduce you to something called the Point. You are missing it."

"Well at least you aren't in here with the Gasman..."

"Very, _very_ good point."

"..."

"..."

"Okay, really? When is everybody going to be back?"

"I don't know. Dinner maybe?"

"Oh God."

"..."

"What time is it now?"

"'Bout ten."

"I have to be suck in here with you for _nine hours_?!"

"Um...yes?"

"Oh dear Lord."

"Did you just say 'Lord'?"

"Why?"

"Because I can, nimrod."

"Oh right...do you have a watch?"

"No...?"

"Check the coat pockets."

"Why?"

"Because I want a watch!"

"Again, why?"

"Because I would like to know how much time passes between now and the time I escape!"

"And it's _not_ to blow something up?"

"No."

"Oh. Here's Ella's cell phone."

"Ten-thirty eight. Let the torture ensue."

"Shut up."

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"Being an idiot."

"Oh, that's just a _fabulous_ reason."

"Did you just say fabulous?"

"No."

"Oh my God, you just said fabulous!"

"No I didn't. What are you talking about?"

"Oh my God, you're in denial, because you said fabulous, and you don't want anyone to know!"

"Know _what_?"

"That you're gay!"**  
**

"Max. I. Am. Not. Gay."

"Yes you are. You're _fabulous_!"

"Oh come on. The limp wrist? That's _so_ stereotypical."

"See, now you're standing up for your gay pride!"

"Max, I'm not afraid to hit a girl."

"Do it. I dare you."

"I will."

"No you won't. You're too gay to hit me."

"That's offensive to gay people."

"Like you?"

"I'll have you know that I'm as straight as a -"

"Fruit Loop?"

"Huh?"

"Oh come _on_. Are you telling me that you've never been the teeniest bit interested in Fang?"

"Yeah, I am. Besides, he's got you."

"So are you saying that if I wasn't in the picture, you would totally hook up with Fang?"

"What? No!"

"That's what it sounded like to me."

"Then get your hearing checked."

"I don't need to get my hearing checked. You need to get your straightness checked."

"Max! Would you just drop it already? I'm not gay!"

"Wheee, tharkleth!"

"Jazz hands? Really?"

"Hey Iggy, is you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?"

"That's it, no more Comedy Central for you, Maxie."

"Don't call me that."

"I will call you whatever I want, Maximum."

"Iggy, do you have an extreme interest in death?"

"Yeah, U have a near death experience fetish."

"Your sarcasm irks me Iggy."

"Cry me a river."

"Ugh! I hate this!"

"Yeah, well it's not exactly great fun for me, either."

"Can't you just like, blow a hole in the wall or something?"

"Yes."

"Then do it!"

"No. It would make your mom mad."

Which would you rather face, and angry Dr. Martinez, or an angry Max?"

"Angry Max."

"What?!"

"You can't ground me. Or deprive me of cookies. I love those cookies..."

"Oh my God..."

"Ooh, nice facepalm! That one sounded like it hurt!"

"Iggy, how do you feel about death by strangulation?

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**By the way, I have nothing against gay people. I just thought that this would be funny. Don't flame me!! On to part two!  


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"Wanna play what would you rather?"

"What's that?"

"A game. I'll go first: Iggy, what would you rather? Eat the Gasman, or kiss Fang? You have to choose one, and tell me why."

"Okay. Well, this is obviously a test to discover the true orientation of my sexuality, so I choose to eat the Gasman. I bet he'd be crunchy."

"Whatever. I'm rolling my eyes Ig."

"I guessed. What would you rather, kiss me, or Angel?"

"Angel. On the cheek. You never specified _where_ I had to kiss her."

"On the lips."

"Too late now, Igs."

"What's wrong with kissing me?"

"Well, you're...well, you're Iggy."

"And?"

"And I have Fang."

"Well, Fang's not here right now, so, you know, _we_ could always – OW! MAX! DO YOU NOT WANT ME TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"

"Oh, God knows we do not need more of _you_ running around."

"Ow! Okay, I get it! Max plus Iggy equals big no no! Ow! Would you _please_ stop kicking my genitals?!"

"No."

"Ow, MAX!"

"Shut up."

"OW! Stop it!!"

"Do you promise never ever to say that ever again?"

"Ow, yes I promise!"

"Okay."

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome."

"Ow! Max! I thought you said you'd stop!"

"Yeah, but this was just too much fun."

"MAX!"

"Okay, okay, we're chill."

"Finally, thank you!"

"Whatever Ig."

"..."

"..."

"So, who's turn is it?"

"What?"

"Who's turn is it?"

"Oh, uh, mine?"

"Okay. Go."

"Would you rather kiss Jeb, or Fang?"

"Fang."

"I KNEW IT!"

"Honestly Max. Would you rather have me kiss your dad, or your boyfriend? While one is a bipolar bad guy gone good guy gone bad guy gone good again, one is a loyal friend. Fang. I'd probably kiss his like, foot or something."

"His foot? Crap, I forgot to specify, didn't I?"

"Sí, señorita."

"Crap. Why his foot?"

"Because it's probably the least sexual part of the body."

"You could always kiss his ear..."

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. Maybe if there was some Valium involved..."

"I'm checking my drinks now."

"Well, there goes _that_ idea."

"Oh my God. You were going to put Valium in my drinks."

"Iggy. be reasonable."

"Oh my God, you're a monster!"

"I'm ignoring you now Iggy."

"See if I care! Jesus, _Valium_..."

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"Is it illegal to stab someone for being an idiot?"

"Undoubtedly."

"Crap. I don't want to go to jail."

"So don't stab me."

"Sometimes, I really hate logic."

"That, and common sense."

"Common sense is dead, Iggy. It died in the eighties."

"Like afros?"

"Like afros."

"... This is kind of like the Breakfast Club, version two point oh."

"What? How?"

"Well, I mean, think about it."

"Iggy, we're in a closet. They were in a library. They were in detention. There were five of them, two of us. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"I do."

"And once again, I am right. You should know by now: Max. Is. Always. Right."

"You're wrong sometimes."

"No, I'm not."

"Are too!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"Nope."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"NO."

"YES!"

"No!"

"No!"

"Ha, you admit it!"

"You tricked me!"

"So, you still admitted it."

"I hate you so much, it kind of hurts."

"The feeling is mutual, trust me Iggy."

"Well, that's reassuring."

"Isn't it though?"

"What are we doing?"

"Being tortured by God."

"No..."

"Yes, God is totally torturing us right now."

"Okay, that may be the case, but don't you think that we should stop arguing?"

"No."

"Yeah, me too."

"... Wait a minute, Iggy!"

"What?"

"We have Ella's cell phone!"

"Oh – Hey, we do!"

"Give it to me!"

"Here."

"Okay, hm, where are her contacts? I can't find her contacts!"

"Just look for them!"

"What do you think I;m doing moron! Damn, I hate this stupid technology!"

"Just find the contacts!"

"Okay, found them!"

"Is it dialing?"

"Yes, it's dialing!"

"Hello?"

"Mom?"

"Max?"

"Yeah! Can you come home? Iggy and I are in the closet."

"Wait, the closet?"

"Yeah. Iggy locked us in."

"What?"

"Nevermind. Can you just come home and get us out?"

"Well, I'm kind of in the middle of giving birth to a pony."

"You're giving birth to a pony?"

"No, I'm _delivering_ a pony."

"Well you can home and let us out though, right?"

"Max, honey, I'm sorry, but I can't leave work now. Bessie doesn't trust anyone else."

"Mom! You can't leave me alone in here with him!"

"I'm sorry sweetie. I'll let you out when I get home, okay?"

"Mom, no, you can't – Mom!"

"She hung up didn't she?"

"Yep."

"Oh, Joy to the freaking world."

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**So, what do y'all think? I apologize for any typos or grammatical errors you find, so if you _do_ find any, review and tell me. I'll have you know I review to every single one of my reviews, just because I love you all so much! So, yeah. If you review, I'll give out virtual cookies....**

**R&R?**


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